How We Really Choose Our Mates

Dr. Gary Brainerd, Ph.D, LMFT

When two people fall in love, something profound is happening that goes far beyond physical attraction, desire for companionship and even similarity of values and interests. There is an activation of an unconscious agenda that began years ago, rooted in childhood hurts and unmet needs. That agenda stated simply is this: We are all unconsciously looking for a particular someone who will help us finish childhood, heal childhood wounds and regain wholeness. We believe this is Nature's plan for emotional healing.

There seems to be built into the natural order that nature consistently tries to heal itself. When there is a forest fire, nature
immediately begins healing the scar and replenishing the forest. When there is an oil spill, nature begins a process that will
eventually clean up the spill, though it may take 50 or more years. And where there are emotional wounds, nature also begins a process of healing. Just as surely as when you scratch your arm and a scab forms, infection is fought and new skin is created, so where there are emotional wounds in childhood (damaged egos, fears of rejection or abandonment, fears of being smothered or controlled, doubts about competency, neglect etc.), there is set in motion an unrelenting drive for healing. But since emotional wounds are invariably relationship wounds, emotional wounds can only be healed in relationship--and in a particular kind of relationship. (continued)

The rest of the aticle can be found in The Ultimate Guide to Dating & Relationship Advice.

Available at Createspace.